Monday, May 12, 2014

One Little Word - Post 7

For the month of May the prompt was I am .... Here is my take on this project. 

I am a work in progress - This is so true for me as my word is change. In order to change you/I will have to be a constant work in progress. I have been working towards change but some days it seems to be easier than others. My big change is to try and be more positive in both thinking and in my actions. One step at at time and I will get there and be the person I want to be. 

I am hopeful - This is a great statement to remember each day. Some days I struggle with trying to change and become discourage but I need to remember to always be hopeful that I can and will do this. Remember even on your darkest day, there is always hope that things can and will get better. If you believe in hope you will succeed in all you want to do and be. 

I am grateful - I am grateful for many things in life, my family being at the top of my list. I have participating in monthly projects to help myself to remember all the things I am grateful for. We have to also remember to even be grateful for the small things in life - like a smile, the sunshine or a simple thank you. If you concentrate on the things you are grateful for - you will find you will have a more positive outlook and be happier. 

I am learning - What a statement this is for me right now. I love to learn but me learning to change is a lot harder than learning something book wise. I am trying to learn to be more positive and to not let things bother me so much but it is a very slow process. I am positive I will get there it just takes time. For me it has been a nice process to learn how to change the way I think, I enjoy the things I am learning along the way.

I am frustrated - When I was first making my list I did not want to put anything negative on it but then I though - no I need to put how I feel. For me I felt my list needed to tell a little about me both good and bad. Some days I am very frustrated and others not so much and I feel that is to be expected in life. One thing I need to learn is to not let things set me off on the path to frustration and to not get to me so much - learn to let things go. I get frustrated when I forget to try and be positive and think more on the negative side. You really have to be aware of what you are thinking and how you are acting and doing it at all time to keep on the right track. Another thing that frustrates me is that I want things to always happen yesterday, I think changing should happen overnight when in all reality it takes time and effort. 

I am changing - Maybe I should say I hope I am changing. For me I really want to change which I feel is the first step. But in my life this is a constant struggle. I have grown up in a negative world so it was all I know and hear and for someone looking in I am sure it looks bad. Don't get me wrong I had a very good childhood and love my parents. One big thing I need to remember is that even small changes count. Change is an ever happening thing in life. 

I am nerdy - Yes this is a silly thing to say, but it is me. My family is always telling me that I am a nerd and I am ok with that. The reason they call me that is because of my love of books and history. When I see a book that sounds good I have to have it. Of course I have more books than I will probably ever read not to mention my collection of bookmarks. To me books are an escape and a sense of security - when you see me you will always find a book, I do not go anywhere without one. I love to read about books, talk about books and generally think about books all the time and if that means I am a nerd then so be it. My love of history falls right along with that. I enjoy reading books that are historical and watching shows about history to make it come more alive for me. 

I am me - What does this mean really? Well it means just what it says, I am me and nothing more. I love my husband and kids - love my books and reading - like to watch football - do not like to talk about politics as it usually ends up with someone mad - have low self-esteem - can't say no - don't feel like I can always be myself - love my nieces and nephews and their parents - am not a touchy feely person but am emotional - have a good heart - have my own opinions. That is me in a nutshell. when I am with my husband I feel as if I can really be me, when I am around my mom or at my office I feel like I have to be who they want me to be or at least have my guard up all the time so I don't make someone mad. I really don't like that but feel it is better than a fight starting or having someone be angry at me for being me. I just want to be me all the time and need to work on that. 

I am worried - I am a worrier by nature. It seems I worry about just about everything in life and it is not fun or good for me. On a daily basis I worry about getting to work on time, having words with a co-worker that I do not like to be around, making my mom mad, about making a mistake on a document I have to file in court and these are just the everyday things. I am worried about my vacation in August to Nebraska and that I will not have the money to go and I really need this trip right now. My husband tells me not to worry so much but that is easier said than done. Somethings I need to learn how to let go of and not worry about but it is very hard and this would be one more of the changes that I am trying to work on. 

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